The Star

So, my friend who wasn't going to go to our class reunion (hence: making me feel less guilty and bad about myself for not going) freaking called me today FROM OUR HOMETOWN and blindsided me by telling me she was going after all. She said she and her husband "just decided what the hell" and drove on down from Ohio. Okay, that's like an 8 hour drive, and with gas prices the way they are, I kind of have my doubts about how they came to their decision.

I don't know why I'm not surprised. While I can sit back and have a lovely day full of shopping, a fun night all about ME, full of magazine reading, bubble baths, pedicures, etc- not thinking really at ALL about what my former classmates are doing at the reunion- she is not that kind of person. I knew deep down it would bother her too much not to go. She always has to be the star of the show. Everywhere we go. I thought this was a college phase (we went to college together too, and it was around the time I lost mega weight in college that she started acting out, as if I was taking the attention away from her), but if anything, it's gotten WORSE as we get older.

I have stewed about this all day. Of course I was out shopping when she called, so I really had to reign it in, and fight the urge not to drop wads of cash that I don't really have right now to make myself feel better. I almost let the news get the best of me tonight in terms of food too, but I put a halt to it and made myself tally up the damage before it was too late. I also tried on my bridesmaid dress too and that helped quell my urges to eat. It's a size too small, if I haven't mentioned before, and as of today, it zips, but it's mega tight, like I might break it if I breathe too hard. Hell, at least it fits. I have 19 more days to make it less tight, or else take it to a tailor and pray they can work some kind of magic....

I don't know why the news of my friend going tonight makes me so annoyed. Maybe because all of my other friends have badgered the crap out of me to try and get me to go and she was my one person whom I thought stood by my side. It made me feel less guilty since she wasn't going, and now I kind of feel slighted by her. I also feel like her offer to let me use her husband's ticket was just to be nice, because I can't imagine her wanting to go to this without her husband to show off. That is exactly why I didn't want to go. It's allllll about appearances, and I just don't give a shit. I never want to be the type of person who gets validation from what other people think, and my best friend J is the polar opposite. She LIVES for the approval of others. I've always wished she wasn't this way. In fact, in college, her then boyfriend of 3-4 years told me that she envies me so much because I DON'T care what people think. And that she wants to be more like me. But I don't see her trying.

Why does it bother me so much? She's been one of my best friends since junior high and I've known her since preschool. We had different upbringings, and I'm sure there are lots of things in her life that have happened to make her feel this way. I guess what bothers me the most is that in seeking all this approval, she often IS the star of the show. And sometimes I want to be. (Without all that worrying about what others think...)

Anyway, I'm glad I didn't totally annihilate my points tonight. I'd actually like to have leftover flex points at the end of this week, if possible....