Facing My Qualms

I have qualms.

They revolve around how I look in public, who I might see, and how I might be doing something stupid and someone will see. I know it's ridiculous. People of the world are so self-centered these days, I doubt hardly anyone notices me.

BUT- where it really affects me is at the gym. I pretty much completely avoid going during peak times. Tonight I went at 8pm. The parking lot was crowded. I needed a good, long workout in the worst way. When I saw the amount of cars, I seriously considered turning around and going home. But I forged on. I told myself that I may not be skinny at this very moment, but that's what I'm here for, and the only way to get skinny is to move.

I held my head high and got in a good 60 minutes on the elliptical, staying in the high end of my cardio heart rate the whole time. 600+ calories burned; a fabulous "last chance workout" before I weigh in tomorrow morning. I've had a really good week. I made it through three days of work being 100% accountable and not falling victim to out of control stress eating. The "grazing" idea is still working so, so, so well. I really wish I had of thought of it a long time ago. I can't tell you how many calories/points I could have saved. Really, it's amazing. I'm not consuming any more points than I normally would (actually, way less considering I'm no longer tempted to order pizza, chinese, or stop at Biscuitville in the morning after work). I get to eat tasty, healthy stuff, pretty much every couple of hours. I still find that I'm a little hungry when I get home in the morning, but I've done well this week of making smart choices and keeping the pre-sleep eating to a minimum. In fact, this week I had tons of leftover steamed broccoli from dinner on Sunday night, so I ate some of that with some 2% mexican cheese and some spray butter. DEEEELISH. It's weird how broccoli, if steamed just how I like it, is sort of a comfort food for me. It really is probably my favorite veggie.

So this weekend is my high school reunion. My friend who was going to drag me along with her, is now not going either and secretly, I am so relieved! I just want some "me time". Tomorrow is all out cleaning day. My house is a wreck and I just want to restore order! When my house is clean and organized, I feel really at peace. I think it makes me make better choices. When my house is dirty, I feel chaotic, and I make not-so-great decisions. Especially when deciding what to eat, and whether or not to work out.

So the agenda for the weekend hopefully goes something like this:

Tonight: Catch up on some TV, take a long and lovely bath, do my nails and read. Nothing like post-gym pampering.

Friday: AM Weigh-In, Running and Weights at the gym, potentially a little "prize" from Target if I have a good WI, then spend the rest of the day cleaning. Hopefully I will have some energy saved at the end of the day to maybe get over to Trader Joe's and get something good to make for dinner. I don't really need "big groceries" this week, but I'd love a few good point-friendly things I can cook at home. I have leftover potatoes too, so I may make potato soup, which sounds wonderful right about now.

Saturday: Shop for some birthday gifts for my sweetie. He and I both made a list of things we want, but they are pretty boring. I'd love to find something creative to add to the mix.

Sunday: Who knows? Hopefully a nice walk/run at Lake Johnson to get out and enjoy the autumn weather. Maybe rent a movie or something. Also I'd like to get to the library after I finish this one book I'm working on.

Monday, I'll get in another good workout before work, and then I have some lame "service excellence" class I have to go to for work. I then work Mon, Tues, Wed nights. If I get in a workout on those days, great. If not, I'm not beating myself up.

Okay, time to go work on some NYC trip plans. I'm mega excited for vacation!