It all started with a going-away party for a coworker. Coleslaw, biscuits, baked beans, ice cream cake and cookies were consumed. And then I went back for seconds. And then I came home and ate more snacks. And I feel gross and terrible. And as I was sitting on my bed when I woke up this afternoon, I thought, "Why do I forget my goals during those moments?" Seriously, when I'm reaching for my 2nd plate of the night, why does the notion of wanting to be in my best shape for upcoming events like my 30th birthday, my best friend's wedding, my OWN wedding just escape from my brain? It's like those thoughts escape right through the hole in my ear and into the universe, leaving me free to eat like it's my last meal. It's like I go brain-dead during these instances. I don't even stop to feel guilty. I don't pass go, I don't collect $200.
But in learning from my mistakes, I will say that last night's little "love session" with food will be forgotten. Swept under the rug. And I'll start fresh right this minute with healthy foods that will help me to love my body, not hate it. I want to consume a diet that is rich in feel-good vibes. I know I can do it, I just had a moment of weakness. Also, I didn't stick to my eating every 2-3 hours while at work, which I know is the best way to handle those crazy night shift cravings. And water. I'll be drinking loads of water tonight at work as well.
I'm dreading work tonight more than anything. D has surgery tomorrow on his knee, and I was sure I could just ask for tonight off, only to learn that I am in charge, and no one else can cover for me. So that makes it not so easy. I did let the house supervisor know about the situation, so she could put some feelers out to other floors for anyone who does charge nurse if they want to come do charge on our floor, but that's kind of like asking someone to babysit your wicked step kids in a a giant house full of crazy. Probably not many takers. This means I'll work all night tonight and then drive straight to D's town, meet him hopefully just before he goes back to surgery. His case isn't scheduled until 10:45, but he has to be there at 6am. As his new fiancee, you can imagine how upsetting it is that I can't be with him the whole time. I just hope everything goes okay. It's going to be pretty embarrassing when I show up at the surgical center and tell the receptionist to just come poke me when he's done because I'll be holed up in some corner, sleeping. Tomorrow will be so exhausting, I don't even want to think about it. I skipped working out today because I can barely walk from the post-squat and lunges soreness in my legs and butt. Instead I paid my bills online so that's all taken care of and now I'm going to pack my stuff and head towards work. I plan on trying to leave work about 15 minutes early if I can, so I can hopefully make it to D by 9ish. I am sooooo dreading this. I know D is nervous, and it kills me that I can't be with him tonight to take care of him and help calm him down. I know it would be upsetting to anyone, but as you can imagine, to be a nurse, and not be able to be a nurse to your number one person just kills you! Sad faces all around!
Okay, off to get packed up.
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