...is be accountable!
I did not have a stellar eating night at work last night. Let's face it, I hardly ever stick to my plan at work. I work in an environment of chaos. As soon as I accept this and move on, I will be so much better off. (And way less bruised, as soon as I stop mentally beating myself up.) I got some good ideas from the WW boards from other night shift nurses so there are some things I'm planning on trying, but I have to make a trip to the grocery store first.
So last night, I came armed with WW Santa Fe Beans and Rice (old time favorite), a stick of Cracker Barrell 2% Sharp Cheddar and some fruit cocktail laced with splenda juice. When work gets stressful, like it was last night, I get into this frantic stress eating mode. I just want carbs to soothe the bad feelings. So, I had a cupcake leftover from someone's birthday party, some graham crackers and some broth with saltines. Carbs, with a side of carbs. Did I feel better? NO! I felt disgusting.
Then to top it off I stopped at biscuitville and got a gravy biscuit and country fries this morning. You know, I'd never even eaten at Biscuitville until a year ago when a friend told me I "had to". Bitch! It's on my way home and even though my trips are MUCH less frequent, it still taunts me like it did this morning.
I just tallied everything up and I'm like 7 points over my flexers for the week and I have until Friday to go. The bad news is I'm out of flex points. The good news is that I have until Friday to rectify the situation. Tomorrow I have to take my BF to the airport around 1pm, and then I plan on making stops at the farmer's market and the grocery store. I am from here on out, giving myself permission to graze ALL night at work. My only rule is that all the grazing food has to come from my own lunchbox. I don't care if my coworkers think I'm insane because I'm eating all night. If it pacifies me, and it's HEALTHY, I just don't care what anyone thinks anymore. It can't be more embarrasing than sneaking day old bagels from the breakroom or eating food leftover from the day shift's parties, etc. It's not even good food. I CLEARLY just do it as some freakish way to control stress. I once read that the reason nurses love chocolate so much is because in the hospital environment, your body produces lots of cortisol (stress hormone) due to the awful things you see for your whole shift (blood, vomiting, pain, etc) and so you crave chocolate and carbs to immediately release seratonin. Thereby causing nurses to gain weight. Yeah, I need to not work in a hospital. I'm working on that. Give me until this time next year when my contract is up and I am OUT. This is not to say that I don't enjoy taking care of people, but I work on a cancer floor. People get burnt out. There are only so many sad stories you can hear, deaths you can be there for, before it effs with your psyche. Thankfully, I work with a great group of people. My coworkers are awesome and funny and can turn any bad situation into a humorous one. Now if I can just get the stress eating under control...
Okay, I'm off to do some damage control by getting in a good workout before BF and I go to dinner. We are having sushi, so I know I can make some reasonable choices. The sushi restaurant we go to the most is a place where I feel like I can enjoy a meal without overdoing it. Small amout of noodles as an app, 2 sushi rolls, water to drink. I think I can skip the beer tonight, even though NOTHING tastes better with sushi, water with lemon is a pretty good sushi companion too, and counters some of that soy sauce sodium.
My plan is just to go to the treadmill in my neighborhood gym to save time. Hopefully I'll have the place to myself...
No comments:
Post a Comment