Part 3: What I'd Like to Try

To finish off my 3-part series on self-discovery, I'd like to finish by making a list of some things I'd like to try.

1) Coffee. Yes, I've had coffee before, but I don't drink it regularly. I'd like to start using coffee as my main source of caffeine since I really don't' think diet drinks are doing it for me anymore. I think they actually make me feel MORE tired on some days, if that's possible. So, here I sit on Day #2 of being Coffee-Drinking-Bri, and I feel a little more awake and alert. Just a little though. Mainly I just don't want to keep going through a 12-pack every 5 days. And I ain't talking about beer. Funny, how a 12-pack of beer every 5 days doesn't' seem that bad, but when considering diet soda it seems pretty toxic. I have a sick mind.

2) Carving out time to exercise, and not just on days when I have nothing else to do. I mean on those days where I've worked 12-13 hours overnight. What I need to move to accept, is that on those days, an hour at the gym isn't appropriate, nor realistic. A brisk 30 minute walk, 45 minutes on the Wii Fit, or 20 minutes of the pain that IS Jillian Michael's 30-Day Shred is MORE than enough on those days. And makes a definite difference in my energy levels. Also, fitting exercise in when I'm at D's house is crucial too. I'm thinking I'll have to just drag him with me. Then when I am at his house and he's working, there really is no other excuse besides my own laziness. I guess what I'm saying here is that my New Year's Resolution is to exercise more and lose weight. Hey, I'm JUST like everyone else!

3) Weighing myself every day. This sounds easy enough, doesn't it? Well, it is on days when I don't work, seeing as how I work nights. What I weigh butt-ass-naked in the morning might be 3-5 pounds less than what I weigh in the afternoon when I wake up from post-work-sleep. That can really mess with a girl's psyche. But, I think it's important. It's motivating. It also makes me a crazy loon when I KNOW I've been on good behavior and the scale is up. These are all things I plan on working through in 2009.

4) I'd also like to try being less brooding over this whole being fat thing. First of all, it's no secret to ANYONE that I'm overweight. Okay, maybe it has been to myself, but everyone else pretty much has it figured out. I skipped my 10 year high school reunion because I didn't want people to know I was fat. Over 50% of these people are on my Facebook or Myspace. Like they can't look at pictures and see that I don't weigh what I did in high school! Geez, who am I kidding?

Putting it out there is a little bit freeing. And a little bit terrifying. I took a giant step the other night and told a coworker I was doing Weight Watchers Online. This was only after I was motivated to tell her. I was motivated because she FIRST told me I was losing weight. It's like a barter system. I ain't tellin' you how I lost weight until you compliment me! She went on and on but mainly she said what everyone always says, "I can really see the weight loss in your face."

So it's my FACE that's making me tip the scales at over 200 pounds! I knew it! (Not that I don't appreciate when people notice that I have fewer chins, but how about noticing that my ASS is smaller?!)

I have two pretty big challenges competing against each other in my head:

#1) The 50 Pounds in 50 Weeks Challenge. I am on Week 7, and currently "in the hole" thanks to my gain this week. However, with a good 2.5 pound loss, I'll be back up over 7 pounds lost by the end of this week. I just looked in my calendar and low and behold- the 50th week Weigh In is the day before my 30th birthday. So, by 30 years old, at a MINIMUM, I want to weigh 168. This is a very responsible and reasonable goal of a very slow and healthy weightloss. Very respectable, indeed. Har........

#2) I have to be in a bathing suit in front of ALLLLLLLLLL of my boyfriend's good friends during the week of Memorial Day. Hi, that's only Week 28. That only puts me at 190, which is NOT acceptable bathing suit size. (Not unless I am 15 feet tall, which I'm not. I'm 5'3".) Did I mention that there are at least 3-4 girls that will be there and they are all skinny!?!? Is it hot in here? Did I mention that two of them even have KIDS and still look better semi-clothed when compared to me? My ego can't take that crap. I've gotta get to WORK!

So, bottom line is, if at age 30 (yikes), I'm 50 pounds lighter than when I started this journey, I will be immensely happy. My heart can't take being 30 AND over 200 pounds. But the bigger bottom line is, I'd love love love to meet that 50 pound mark by early summer. I'm no fool though, this means I have to pull out all of the stops between now and then. Starting TODAY!

I'm sitting here patiently waiting for my new mattress for my guest bedroom to be delivered between the hours of 11am-1pm. The closer it gets to 1pm, the less patient I am getting. Why? Because I have a magical salad to make for lunch, I have to work out, and I have to launder all of my stinky scrubs for work. No matter what, I'm getting in a work out of some sort today. It will probably be in the form of a walk around the 'hood, as it's looking more and more like my new bed will be delivered at the end of that delivery window, but that's okay. Doing SOMETHING is better than doing nothing at all. Tomorrow I'll get up with Jillian Michaels, because I am a glutton for punishment. Seriously, how can 20 minutes of exercise be SO HARD?!