I'm up 1.2 pounds this week, but it could have been a whole lot more. I think I pretty much took care of every single one of these things I'm about to throw on the "Doesn't Work" list all in the past week. This week, I have to work harder on reeling it in. I know I will mess up. No one has perfect weeks. At least I never do. But- when the going gets rough, I need to work very hard on refocusing and redirecting.
1) Eating my feelings.
This has particularly been occurring in the mornings when I get home from work if it's been an especially hard night. The past two weeks, I've sent a cancer patient to the ICU with a grave outlook. It's hard. It's frustrating on so many levels. Particularly when someone else, be it their doctor, or some ER nurse, has overlooked the severity of their condition until it was almost too late. Seeing them so helpless leaves me feeling heartbroken. And three weeks ago I lost what I'd call one of my best patients ever. His death was not peaceful, it was traumatic. These things lead me to want to stuff those sad feelings away with bad, bad food. I'm getting a bit burnt out being an oncology nurse, and if it weren't for the wonderful patients that I take care of, I'd already be doing something else. Unfortunately, because of the boyfriend situation and my plans to move to be with him next fall, I need to stay put for about another 9 months. This means I get 9 months to teach myself how to FEEL my negative feelings, and not eat them. I'm sure anything I can teach myself will carry over into my next job and just to life in general.
This doesn't just happen after a bad night at work either. I feel the drive to eat when I'm criticized, when I miss my boyfriend, when I feel sick, when I feel lonely, etc. On the plus side, I've had all the latter part under control for a few months, it's more just eating after bad nights at work that have been getting me lately.
2) Eating at work when I'm bored/frustrated/angry/stressed/annoyed.
This is different than above because it happens for different reasons. I've mentioned it before, but nurses lack serotonin, especially at work. I find that I need lots of quick distractions at work to get through the monotony of my shifts sometimes. Like, I'll go on craigslist for about 5 minutes, or I'll go check my phone for missed calls or text messages. Sometimes this finds me wondering downstairs to the snack machines as a distraction. Chocolate is not the answer. I know this. And I feel so much better when I make it through a shift having eaten only the healthy foods that I packed. In fact, I feel really smug and in control whenever I can leave that place after having a good eating night.
3) Skipping exercise
This just leads to a downward spiral. No exercise for me typically means I'm also going to throw good eating habits out the window too. Let's face it, the two go hand in hand. They feed off each other. If I've exercised all week, I'm less likely to mess up my progress by eating junk. It's just that simple. Not to mention the mental benefits of working out. It's like free therapy. It also eradicates a lot of those icky "eat my feelings" type of feelings.
4) Not drinking enough water.
It's pretty much as simple as this. If I am pounding the water each day, that's that much less time that I can be eating. Not to mention it rids me of bloat and makes my skin look radiant.
5) Overdoing it on diet sodas.
Diet drinks are fine. I don't really feel that they make me hungrier, etc. BUT, I feel bad if I drink more than 1-2 per day. Not to mention, something isn't healthy and isn't right about finishing off a 12-pack in two days. (Which I've been known to do.)
6) Not having a general idea of how I will spend my points for the day.
I don't have to have it planned to a "t", however failing to plan really does put me in a pickle usually. It's that whole "out of control" feeling I've mentioned before, and this is why I think I have so much trouble when I go stay with my boyfriend. The unknown thing sometimes leads me to be lazy and make poor decisions.
7) Not looking out for #1 when I'm out of my comfort zone.
Case in point, last week's conference that I went to. Conferences are notorious for unhealthy and fattening foods. What could I have done? I could have packed some snacks in my bag, could have packed a big bottle of water. Instead I left things up in the air and made some poor decisions. I had a salad, but I chose ranch instead of vinaigrette. After I passed up the healthier salad dressing, I loaded up on rice, mystery meat (I think it was pork), and oodles of pasta noodles. Then I had cake. Because everyone else was. I need to remind myself that it's OKAY to skim the tables and quickly come up with a healthy alternative (big plate of salad, chicken breast, vinaigrette, fruit instead of cake) and people wouldn't look at me like a freak. I'll get to practice this in February at another conference, but there are other times too. Like when I'm with friends. I'll do whatever they are doing just to fit in, even when I know it's a choice that will later make me feel guilty. I need to be more selfish.
I practiced this well over the Thanksgiving holiday while visiting my parents. I asked for food to be cooked a special way for me, I made it loud and clear that I was making healthier decisions. And low and behold, it worked. And instead of looking down at me or making fun of me, they commended me. I'd like to think I even inspired them. Hurrah!
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