Why do I forget?

A few weeks ago, when I recommitted to Weight Watchers and a healthier lifestyle- I had several upcoming events in mind as a motivator:

1) Trip in May to Virginia Beach with all my boyfriend's friends. It's like 12-15 people all in a house together for a week. His one friend takes, on average, about 1000 photos each year. Not to mention video footage. Do I want to cringe when I see myself in all that photographic and video evidence? HELL NO! Do I want to feel like a beached whale in my bathing suit around alllllll those people? NO! Do I want to constantly worry about how I look to the point where I don't even really enjoy the vacation? NOOOOO! This alone should be enough motivation to keep me on track from now until May.

2) Next summer at the beach. My boyfriend lives at the beach. I have several friends there too. Everytime I visit, we spend tons of time on the beach. I want to be in a smaller swimsuit and feel better about myself around my boyfriend and my friends. I don't want to be constantly sucking in, covering up, and worrying about how big my legs and arms look when they aren't covered up.

3) Next September (hopefully), I will be purchasing a house with my boyfriend and moving to the beach. I want us to start our life together with me in a healthier place. I want to take the time between now and then to learn how to be assertive and how to convey my will when it comes to eating healthy and working out. Quite frankly, I struggle with this every time I am with my boyfriend. He is tall and skinny and can lose 10 pounds just by switching to light beer for a week. He can eat anything he wants. I cannot. I'm pretty sure he knows/realizes this, but as a person who has never had to think about how 3-4 dinners out per week means a big weight gain, I can't blame him because he doesn't know how to help me. I have to help myself! Eventually he will catch on once it all becomes routine, and I really want it all to be at the point of "routine" by the time we move in together.

4) Just the future in general. D and I moving in together most likely means that somewhere in the next couple of years, there will be wedding bells. I don't want to be a fat bride- no one does. But I also don't want to just be some crazy who gets skinny in an unhealthy and unrealistic way 6 months before her wedding and then blows up 100x bigger afterwards. That would be terrible. The point is that I want my future to consist of me feeling comfortable with taking charge of what I eat, every minute of every day. I want to FINALLY gain control of my feelings and not eat them. I want to feel like eating healthy and working out is something I do EVERY DAY- not just when I need to lose weight.

The kicker is, that when I have a stressful week- I forget all these things! It's crazy! It's like when I lose my focus, all these things I care about go right out the window! And I get so frustrated with myself. These last two weeks have been a struggle and a half, let me tell you. Last week I struggled to stay OP while staying with D. A lot of that was my fault. D is very easygoing- I could have suggested ANYTHING for meals, and he would have been fine with it (other than tofu or anything laced with tons of garlic). And I suppose looking back, I wasn't terrible. I just didn't count any points. And I KNOW by now, that the key to losing weight week after week for me is counting EVERYTHING. It gets tedious, I know. But it's a small price to pay for weekly weightloss. This week was just a stressful week in general. Work has been weird and hard and trying. My sleep is just ridiculous. I slept for 2 hours on Monday and about 15 hours yesterday. Yeah. That will mess with your appetite and eating for sure.

The key here, I think, is dropping the "perfect" mindset. There won't be one single day that is perfect in terms of Weight Watchers. I might not get enough water. I might not get a chance to work out. I might go over points. I might not get in all my fruits/veggies. The mindset that I need to adopt is one that is somewhat like a "warrior". To keep plugging along, no matter what kind of roadblocks I stumble upon. Giving up when things didn't go perfectly is why I haven't been able to stay OP for more than a few weeks over the past, ohhhh, 5 or 6 years.

So today I'm making a declaration. I'm dropping the perfect act. I'm going to start plugging along THIS MINUTE. I was a wreck this whole week. I had some small victories, but I also let my feelings dictate what I ate more than I would have liked, and I didn't put my sleep and my overall mindset at the top of my list.

I ate popcorn for breakfast this morning. So. What?
Am I going to let it mean that I eat with crazy abandon all day today and carry it on through the entire Thanksgiving weekend? Nope. I'm counting everything that goes into my mouth today and tomorrow. My points reset on Friday, and I'll bring my scale home so that I can weigh in on Friday morning when I wake up. I'll bring my Jillian Michaels 30 day Shred DVD with me to my parents house. When my family gets together for Thanksgiving on Friday, I'll have weighed in, worked out, and had plenty of water. I'll eat the delish food, count it, and move on. If I use all 35 WPA, so be it. That is what they are there for. I will not let the holidays ruin me, put me off track or let me give up.

I will EXPECT that there will be moments of weakness. I will work them in. I won't let them work me over.

I WILL be victorious this time.