Scale Anxiety

So, on June 26th, I was 216 and I was PISSED. Now I can't seem to get on. I know I feel smaller. I know I've been doing a pretty fair job at not eating everything that isn't nailed down now that I'm not counting points. The majority of days, I still eat a very healthy diet. A few days each month might be peppered with one too many beers followed by a few wings, but you know what? It's nice to do that and not feel like I need to go exercise for 4 hours or drink even more so I can throw up. These are not healthy thoughts or behaviors.

The last time I weighed was two weekends ago after a night full of too many beers and a few late night wings, followed by Cranberry Raisinets. (Two side notes: 1. The only time you will ever see me eat wings, is when I'm wasted. Otherwise, I do NOT eat meat off of bones. 2. Cranberry Raisinets are the closest thing to crack that I can think of. Do yourself a favor and avoid them at all costs.) Anyway, I felt bloated and I was a little concerned that I might see some insane number like 225 when I hopped on the scale and I didn't. I saw a nice, sane, 215. And I'm sure I was carrying several pounds of water weight at that point. So, I am 99% sure my weight is naturally dropping.

I've also started thinking about people whom I know who Weight Watchers has worked for, and it's mostly the people who have changed their long-term behaviors. A lot of those people don't even track and a lot of people who are successful on lifetime simply follow the healthy guidelines and maintain healthy weights. The key here is to learn how to live a normal life.

I do plan on weighing myself soon and I will post the results here. I can tell you I wore pants on Monday that were probably too small to buy when I purchased them, but I was desperate for business casual clothes at the time, and I figured they'd be okay with a pair of Spanx underneath. Not only did I NOT wear Spanx, but by the end of the day, they were kind of baggy. I also broke out a dress that had not graced these curves since last summer when I was closer to 205. So, I know there has been some progress.

Last night I made tofu stir-fry since the fiance and resident carnivore was out of town for business. I used some questionable sweet chili sauce with an expiration date discovered to be in April- after the damage had already been done and I'd eaten it. Holy raging terror in my stomach this morning! I didn't weigh myself like I'd planned because I was too busy trying to balance my 15 trips to the bathroom with getting ready and leaving on time. I've felt bloated and very hungry all day today. I know things are wacky right now, but I know they will improve. I'll weigh on my next "skinny" morning.

I do stop when I'm full now and I notice that I eat a lot less. Especially at dinner. So far this week I've not been great on getting my water in, but that's because I've barely had time to go the bathroom at work (which spelled trouble today, for sure). Tomorrow, my goal is to get three meals, two snacks and limit myself to one dessert, because that is what I feel is reasonable and really, it's all I care for. Amazing how that happens when you know you can have as much or as little as you want. I'll be working out with my trainer after work, and I *might* sneak in some extra cardio at lunch, depending on how my day is looking. Thursday will be boot camp and I'm really really going to try to get in a lunchtime workout of some kind on Friday. Fridays are proving to be the hardest in terms of getting in a workout for some reason. I am working at the hospital on both Saturday AND Sunday (because I am crazy), so I know I'll log major miles on those days too.

Next week will probably prove to be very tiring and then I have something going on every. single. weekend. in August. I think it's just about time to start being "crazy wedding event time". Friday will mark 3 months until the big day. Truthfully, I just can't wait for it to be over with. I know that with our friends here, the big day will be super fun. Our venue promises amazing food and has gotten great reviews from those who have been to weddings there. Our reverend is amazing, so I know our pre-marriage counseling sessions will go well. I still am not sure how and what we will dance to. Neither of us are good dancers. I am worried that our families won't mesh (our parents will not be meeting until wedding week). I am worried about how I will look. I am worried that too many people will RSVP and we will spend more money than we have (I'm paying for our catering out of my own pocket to help my parents since my dad lost his job, hence all the working extra). I just want to be married to the love of my life already! I wish I could just scrap everything and run off to Vegas with him tomorrow!