WHAT??

I am still up 4.2 pounds as of this morning. I refuse to believe that this is a "real" number on the scale. I didn't overindulge. I didn't use being away as an excuse to eat whatever I wanted. This has me second-guessing myself all over the place.

I am bummed, but I am determined to have a great week. I am starting the Couch to 5k running program today, and looking forward to training to become a real runner, not just a sporadic one. I even downloaded an app into my iPod that basically tells you when to run/walk whatever according to the C25K training. This is probably the biggest reason why I never did it, because I wasn't coordinated enough to time myself, run and switch it up without getting mega confused! :) I have my meals planned throughout the weekend up until Tuesday and then I will plan out the rest of the week once I consult with my boyfriend, since I will then be at his house.

I haven't logged my weight into Weight Watchers yet. I really don't want to because I refuse to believe it. What to do, what to do??

I feel like I'm on the verge of getting sick, too. I got TONS of sleep last night, and I'm still taking my EmergenC, but my throat has that dry, scratchy feeling and I just don't feel like myself. I'm hoping it fades though, as I already feel a lot better today than I did yesterday. Maybe I was just exhausted. Also I had a little reaction to the down pillows on my bed in the hotel, so perhaps that's the reason for the scratchy throat. I thought I had removed them all, but the housekeeper must have switched them up because I woke up at 5am on Thursday feeling like death and touched my pillow and realized it was full of feathers. I am allergic to down, so that sucked. I just decided to get up at that point and take a shower to hopefully clear my sinuses and rid myself of the allergens. Maybe this is just leftover from that. I was really proud of the fact that it is almost March and I haven't been sick at all this winter. I hope that stays true!

I've got to get back into my post-work de-stressing routine. I plan on eating a small breakfast at around 6am before I leave work each morning, and then getting back into my bubble bath routine as a de-stressor. I also have an audiobook thingie on my iPod that is a relaxation tape. I want to incorporate that and have a little mini spa experience after work in the mornings- which should take the place of coming home and stress eating. I am not usually physically hungry when I get home, but I am usually incredibly tired and in need of blowing off some steam before bed. I am armed with 2 new magazines and a library book, so that should help too. Then I want to get up, have a snack and get in a little mini-workout. I've decided that I only set myself up for failure if I make these grandiose plans for workouts on work nights. Basically I have 20-30 minutes. I really need to start doing the Jillian Michael's 30-day Shred DVD again on work nights. That is a KILLER 20 minute workout. It pains me just to think of it, but perhaps if I do it consistently, I will see some results and it won't kill me as much to do it.

My mom, who is going to WW meetings, sent me her little meal idea book that they give you with your new materials. I'm very thankful that she mailed it to me, as it looks like it has a lot of 1-2 serving meal ideas which is perfect when you live alone. Also there are some that I think D would like as well, so I plan on getting some meal ideas for us from that for later this week. The less we can eat out, the better. I tried to get my mom to get me a set of the new materials, but she said they would not part with an additional set. I remember when I was attending meetings, you could buy a spare set for like $5. I guess it's too top secret now, or they figured people were doing what my mom and I were doing. Haha. But, I AM an online member, and I think they should mail the written materials to all online members. I am so much more a "pen and paper" type of girl. It's hard for me to process the info by reading it on a computer screen.

I know they say it's best not to try to set a weight goal by a certain date, but I'd really like to be into the 180's by May. I don't know how that's humanly possible when it's so damned easy for me to gain 4 pounds. Ugh. Anyway, I suppose my goal should just be to stay completely on track until May. This is when I go on vacation with D's friends to the beach. They are all skinny. Ugh. Classic scenario.

To continue my ramblings, I started DVRing "Ruby". It comes on the Style Network, and although I think Ruby is very whiny, I really do like her. She is so beautiful, and I while I feel lost trying to lose 50+ pounds, I can't imagine needing to lose like 300 pounds. I guess I'd whine a lot too. Her accent is very familiar to me. A lot of people in NC have that same accent. I don't, but I know a lot of people who do. I guess that's why I watch, even though I think she is kind of annoying. I have to say, I think she would enjoy her treadmill a lot more and be able to work out better if she wore different shoes! She is always wearing Converse All Stars. That is not NEARLY enough support for a 400 lb woman to work out in!!! Maybe there is some reason why she wears them, but that bothers me! No wonder her hips and legs ache when she works out! Ok, tangent over! Gotta get dressed for the gym and finalize my grocery list.